Throw It Away
by Lexie Jayne
Summary: Zack confronts Jondy over her feelings for him.


**Title:** Throw It Away

**Author:** Lexie Jayne

**Feedback:** is beloved.

**Pairing:** Jondy/Zack, Max/Alec, unrequited Max/Zack.

**Word Count:** 2 098

**Rating:** PG

**Genre:** Romance, Drama.

**Summary:** Zack confronts Jondy over her feelings for him.

**Notes:** As of November 18, the content of this fic has been altered to comply with TOS, and my own change of alias. If you would like to read the original version – and I highly recommend it - of this fic, please visit Written-Word . Org

Quotes in italics are from Delta Goodrem's 'Throw It Away'.

**Spoilers:** Season 1 and 2.

**Warnings:** None.

**Disclaimer:** Dark Angel belongs to James Cameron, and I make no profit from this fan-based venture.

* * *

I look at Zack, across from me, leaning against the railing, watching the lake. I was sitting in a chair, watching him. But I know exactly what he's seeing. The image will haunt him for the rest of his life; or at least, that's what he believes.

It's an almost picture-esque, the scene down at the lake. Max in Alec's arms. Romantic and all. I don't want that, as such. The whole making out thing would be good enough for me.

"It's probably really off putting for them to have you staring at them like that," I offered, wrapping my arms around my knees, watching him.

"That's the plan," Zack said, not even looking at me. I know this is killing him. First off, he had to accept Logan's offer of the Cale Cabin for the weekend so he could see all of us, and then he found out, even though Miracle Boy is out of the picture, Max is with Ben's clone.

I find that icky for some reason. But then, I'm one to talk.

"They're happy, doesn't that make it better?" I asked, standing up. I catch my reflection in the windows and sigh. There's no way I can compete with Max. My hair is loosely waved, from a disastrous perm when I was younger. Dyed black to put Lydecker off, I'm too tall and too wiry. I look like a science experiment gone wrong. Max is just... gorgeous. I'd give anything to be Max...  
_  
I trusted you but I'm not sure you deserve it_

Zane stared out the window, at Jondy and Zack, while he helped Syl, Krit and Jace wash up.

"Zack's an ass," Zane said, watching Jondy's shoulders slump, as she gazed at Zack.

"Why?" Jace asked, as three year old baby Max toddled around their legs.

"He's staring starry eyed at Max, and if he turns around, he's got Jondy gazing at him in the same way," Zane said.

Krit looked out the window, his arm around Syl's waist. "He's had a thing for Maxie since the escape."

"Before then," Jace corrected, scooping baby Max into her arms. "Max was the centre of his attention before the Escape too."

"Jondy's liked Zack since she was fourteen," Zane said, gazing at his sister sadly. "She even followed his orders, sort of."

"I feel sorry for Zack," Syl said. The others looked at her, blankly. "He's going to pine for Max for the rest of his life. He'll never know that Jondy loved him."

"Then it's Jondy I feel sorry for," Krit said, shrugging.

"I don't want pity," Jondy replied, appearing in the doorway. "You know Zack doesn't want us to have emotional weaknesses." She smiled half heartedly, the smile not reaching her eyes.

_You tell me that I'm lucky_

I sat on my bed, fingering the fabric of my tank top. Worn out, old, faded . . . All those words described how I felt ... I flipped my hair over my shoulder, gazing out, over the water. Moonlight has lit up my room so much I'm not even going to bother to attempt to sleep.

And I don't want to close the curtains.

I pull the blanket around me, watching carefully for birds, for animals coming out at night. The bed lamp is off, and only the moon, and the light under the door illuminate my room.

I hear baby Max cry out for Jace, I can hear Syl and Krit doing... well, each other, in the next room and I can hear Zack and Zane talking in the hallway. Zack. I smile to myself. It's stupid, how much I love him. Probably some misguided sense of loyalty but ... I can't help it. Six years and I've never been able to look at another man the way I've been able to look at Zack.

I just want to lie next to him, and have him hold me, and run my fingers through his hair. It's a stupid, girlish thing to want to do, and it's something I know will never happen.

I'm nothing but his kid sister.  
_  
Like it's nothing you'll be missing_

Zane stepped outside of his room, as Zack came upstairs. Max and Alec were crashing on the couch and he planned to sit in his room and think. Tactically, having all the X5s in one location was an accident waiting to happen. Zack needed to work out who would go where when they left in two days.

"Zack."

Zack looked up to face Zane, who looked ... slightly pissed off.

"What?"

"Give up on Maxie, would you? She's with Alec," Zane said, a little too angrily.

"And before she was with Cale. It doesn't mean she and I won't be together after Alec," Zack said defensively, glaring at Zane.

"Zack, wake the hell up! Max chose a cripple over you. She chose Ben's clone over you. You are nothing but a mentally warped brother to her!" Zane retorted, raising his voice. Jace was standing in the doorway of her room, watching everything carefully.

"You've never loved anyone before, Zane," Zack said roughly. "You have no place to give me advice."

"I'm giving you advice as a brother!" Zane replied angrily.

"What advice?" Zack said darkly. "Give up on Max and move on? It's not that simple."

"It can be. Try looking around, Zack. You may not have been able to win Max over, but..." Zane paused.

"What?" Zack said, suddenly feeling confused and slightly anxious.

"One of your sisters doesn't want to be a sister to you anymore, Zack," Jace said quietly.

Zack frowned, mentally going through his sisters ... "Jondy," he said, his mouth suddenly dry. "She...?"

"She's got it bad for you, big brother," Zane clapped Zack on the back. "Guess now you'll get to walk in Maxie's shoes."

_He's got it in his head that he's something I know that he's not  
_  
I stepped back from the door. I heard the way Zack said my name, so uneasily and slightly horrified. I'm not completely stupid. I know what will happen next. I know that every lie I've told, every act I've pulled just to cover up how much I've loved Zack over the last six years has just been wrecked. Ruined. Shattered.

It's over. All over.

I run my fingers through my hair, tired and sick of everything. I climb back onto the bed, wrapping myself in the blanket, willing sleep to come. So for a few hours I don't have to plan how to kill Zane, and Jace.

I watch the moon, and there are some ducks swimming in the lake. I smile to myself, propping myself up on one elbow, watching outside, praying that Zack just won't say anything to me about this. He'll just let it go, knowing that I'd never act on my feelings.

Maybe tomorrow it'll just be another day where everything is the same as before.

_A girl like me is lost on you_

Zack pushed the door to Jondy's room open. She was wrapped up in a blanket, staring outside, her eyes looking past everything, lost in her thoughts.

"Jondy."

Jondy jerked around, an undefinable look settling around her face. She was pretty, beautiful even. Sharper, than Jace and Max and Syl, but softer at the same time.

"Hey. What's up?" Jondy swallowed, sitting up, trying to act normally. Like she hadn't been eavesdropping on the conversation in the hallway.

"We need to talk," Zack said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Four words no girl ever wants to hear," Jondy joked. "What's up?" Her eyes betrayed her, she knew. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes and vowed that she would not, no matter what Zack said, cry.

"Don't crap on Jondy, you heard Zane and Jace," Zack said harshly, as if he knew Jondy was trying not to cry.

"I did," Jondy admitted, dropping her gaze to the frayed edge of her blanket.

"Is it true?" Zack knew he was being nastier than he really needed to be... but Jondy had caught him unawares.

"Is what true? The fact Max will never love you more than she'd love a "mentally warped brother"?" Jondy said cruelly, hating herself the moment she said it.

"No," Zack snapped, half protesting and half demanding Jondy answer the question. "Are you in love with me?"

Jondy sighed, climbing out of bed, and standing in front of the window, her palms resting against the window pane. The tank top clung to her curves, baring her perfectly toned stomach. She wore boxers that hung low on her hips, hinting at a tattoo on her hip

"It takes a very self-assured guy to ask a girl that, Zack."

Zack glared at her back. "Answer the question."

"If I say 'yes', what changes?" Jondy asked softly, not being able to turn around and look him in the eye.

"Everything," Zack replied sharply.

"And if I say 'no'?" Jondy sighed.

"You're not going to say no," Zack replied softly.

"If you know what I'm going to say, why make me answer the question?" Jondy turned around, blinking at him.

"Because we both need to admit it," Zack replied.

"Fine. Yes, I am in love with you," Jondy said, running her fingers through her hair.

Zack stared at her. "How long?"

"Six years."

"Jesus, Jondy..."

"What? You think I should've just moved on? It isn't that simple," Jondy replied.

"You could've made it that simple if you wanted to," Zack said harshly.

"I didn't want to not love you," Jondy whispered.

Zack sighed, looking tired, standing up.

"What?" Jondy asked dully, waiting for her sentence.

"I can't see you anymore, Jondy."

"I guess that means you don't love me back, huh?" Jondy closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to fall.

"No. I don't think I can care for you like a sister now, either," Zack said bluntly.

Jondy shrugged. "All or nothing. I get that."

"When you leave in two days, I ... I don't care where you go, I don't care where you go, I don't care anymore, Jondy."

"You'll change the contact number, won't you?" It was a statement rather than a question. "I don't get a choice, do I?"

"Good bye Jondy."

_Like it's nothing you'll be missing_

I know why he did it. He couldn't keep loving Max, with me loving him. Unfortunately, Zack is a martyr. All or nothing. And in Zack's world, Max is all. I'm only halfway. Out of sight, out of mind.

I stood in my room for awhile, my hands on my face, waiting for the tears, the broken sobs that I expected and half hoped for.

They didn't come.

I got dressed after that. Pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt, put my stuff back in my bag and went downstairs.

Max was wrapped tightly in Alec's arms, oblivious to everything. Ironic, really. Max has been let into the loop and I've been kicked out. Six years of unquestioned loyalty to Zack, following his crappy orders and I get thrown into the gutter.

Slinging my bag onto my back, I slip outside, starting up my bike. I know Zack is watching me from a window. I know Zane will be lying in bed, listening out for some indication of what happened, swearing when he hears my motorcycle rev.

Jace is cradling baby Max, shaking her head sadly, knowing I've been cut off. Syl and Krit wake up, looking around for who, what, why ...

And Maxie sleeps on.

As I drive away, I feel cold. Zack doesn't love me. At all. Not as a sister or as a friend. Any care he had for me has gone because I couldn't keep my emotions in check. And I still love him.

At least he can continue to pretend Max loves him. He took even the fantasy away from me.

* * *


End file.
